Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
