at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
