yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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