This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
