i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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