I faked an abortion last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
