How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
