I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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