mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
