i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
