I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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