Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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