Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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