the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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