she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
