First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
