508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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