Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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