I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
