i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell me about the eggs
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
