No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
