Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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