I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
