So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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