..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
