if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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