Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
