My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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