I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
