so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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