And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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