Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
