nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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