his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
