alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
