me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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