Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
