forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
