Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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