also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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