you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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