Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
