if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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