Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
