Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
