If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
