so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
