after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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