True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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