Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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