Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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