Moan for me like Helen Keller
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
