i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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