in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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