new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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