so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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