During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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