Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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