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im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
we're so committed to being not committed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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