I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
