Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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