he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize