I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
