Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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